I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
