i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
