remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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