do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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