i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
