I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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