The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
