I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
