I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
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