i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up under a house in Key West
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
