Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I know her cup size but not her name....
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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