Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
