I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
