5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
