your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
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