they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
