you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
