i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
