i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
