I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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