I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
this hospital has no fireball
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
