I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
