i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
