Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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