I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
