Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
