I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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