and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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