She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So here I am, sexting at work.
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