You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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