dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
