That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
