the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
