Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
