My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
