I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
