I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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