It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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