god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
