I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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