If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
