there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
