i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
