What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
