And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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