we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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