This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Acid is not a monday night drug
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
