you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
