so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
