you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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