I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
