My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
