You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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