I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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