I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
