i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
