the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
tell me about the fingering
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