Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
