sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
