I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize