it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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