The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
