Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
