I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
