I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Randomize
