new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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