at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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