you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
