drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
